You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. – Jon Kabat-Zinn
It’s summer! The kids are home! And… here comes the clamor. In our house, we like to fill the summer with meaningful experiences and a lot of fun. But, the truth is there is much time in between – time that’s often loud and full of boys poking each other. (He started it. No, he started it first!)
And let’s not forget that we’re still living through a pandemic defined by unpredictability and the inevitable waves of ups and downs. And how could we forget: women are being stripped of their reproductive rights and climate change is wreaking havoc around the planet. Ouch.
When the energy around us feels turbulent and at odds with our ideal of summer memory-making, we may have to dig deep, but we can use strategies to rise above [some of] the fray and see moments of goodness that are there.
The question is how.
In a world where much of what happens is well beyond our influence, it is useful to consider what we can control. Two things are where we direct our attention and the attitude we bring. Knowing that we have agency here – the ability to affect change – allows us to be agile and responsive to the outside world rather than simply reacting to what’s happening around us. It gives us choice, and we can choose to look at the good.
And responding rather than reacting brings us closer to the serene state of equanimity – remaining internally balanced in in the face of external turmoil. As Buddhist meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg writes in Real Change, “Equanimity holds it all.” She continues:
We cradle both the immense sorrow and the wondrousness of life at the same time. Being able to be fully present with both is the gift equanimity gives us – spacious stillness, radiant calm.
And who couldn’t use spacious stillness and radiant calm in the face of challenging circumstances?
Here are some tips for finding moments of joy regardless of what’s happening around you.
Manage your attention.
To enjoy the good, we first need to notice it is there. Humans have evolved the tendency to focus on the negative (which could mean the end of us) over the positive. Makes sense! However, in an effort to experience moments of joy (and without the threat of large cats lurking in the bushes), we can be more active in seeking them out. Psychologist and author of Buddha’s Brain Rick Hanson suggests actively looking for small, moments of ordinary, yet good things. Give it a try. Right now I hear birds singing as I sit in the open, fresh air. What else could be a moment of joy? A shared giggle, a pleasant memory, or a lovely sight. Notice, and let those experiences in.
Savor, and savor some more.
We can savor by using our thoughts and actions to increase the intensity, duration, and appreciation of positive experiences. And the more we savor, the more we hard-wire the experience in our brains, making it easier to draw upon these memories and notice the good down the road. In other words, we form a habit of looking for – and seeing – the good. So, let’s go ahead and bask in it. Hanson advises staying with the good feelings evoked for up to 20 seconds. Let them really sink in. Relax, and imagine as if the goodness is being absorbed by your body the way a sponge absorbs water.
Small moments, many times.
Repeat. Over and over. Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn taught “small moments, many times.” Being present for the good doesn’t require fireworks and grand experiences of awe. More often, opportunities are delivered in the small, fleeting moments that make up our days. Try bringing an attitude of openness and nonjudgment to your day. Pause, and notice what’s good right now. The more we look, the more we are bound to see.
Wishing you all agility, responsiveness, and joy in the fun of summer and the surf.
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